


Bisexual Panic And Other Foolishness

by kitkatt0430



Series: (Belated) Femslash February 2021 [1]
Category: Mutant X
Genre: Ableist Language, Adam is Team Dad, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comic Book Medical Science, Emma thinks she's projecting her feelings, Gen, In which Brennan discovers he's got big brother instincts, Internalized Biphobia, Proxy Blue is an awful program, Shalimar never takes that first dose of the mutant cure, internalized New Mutant prejudices, mention of conversion therapy, no one is straight on this show I swear, s01e04 - Fool For Love AU, team of bi heroes (and aro team dad)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29785383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: Shalimar's pretty sure she's supposed to be too old to be having a queer crisis, but there's just something about Emma...  So it seems like something of a blessing when her feral nature takes what should be a run of the mill attraction to Richard Saunders and turns it up to eleven.  After all, she doesn't have to examine her feelings for Emma if she's busy not thinking with Richard.Meanwhile Emma's nursing what she thinks is an unrequited crush and having to put up with two guys who are definitely dating even though they swear they're not.  (And Adam demonstrates the very definition of a clueless aro.)
Relationships: Emma deLauro & Brennan Mulwray, Emma deLauro/Shalimar Fox, Jesse Kilmartin/Brennan Mulwray, Shalimar Fox & Jesse Kilmartin, Shalimar Fox/Richard Saunders
Series: (Belated) Femslash February 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189334
Comments: 5
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started rewatching this show recently and while it's even campier and cheesier than I remember, my nostalgia for the show was definitely not misplaced. Though I'd forgotten how much I shipped Emma/Shalimar.
> 
> Some of the dialogue comes from the episode s01e04 - Fool For Love.

The thing is, Shalimar does enjoy clubs when she's with friends. While they haven't really had a chance to hang out since Brennan and Emma joined the team, she used to go with Jesse and some of the former teammates they've had over the last two years, most of whom eventually decided the danger was too much and slipped into hiding. 

Even when it was just her and Jesse, though, she didn't have to worry about quite this much attention. And this was even after moving her Mutant X communication ring to make herself look married. After all, a beautiful woman in a club like this, alone, with a feral new mutant's animal magnetism? Like a wedding ring was going to even register to these guys.

"Uh, hi."

Shalimar looked up at the sound of a woman's voice, far too timid to be Donna. She was pretty, though, and clearly nervous.

"I don't usually do this, but... would you like to get a drink? With me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just here meeting a friend," Shalimar told her. "I'm not really planning on staying long."

"Oh." The other woman ducked her head, looking a touch embarrassed. "Well, uh, if you change your mind or if your friend stands you up..." she nodded to the dance floor, "you can find me over there."

It wasn't the first time Shalimar had been asked out by a woman, but as always she tells herself she's not interested. She likes men and while she's flattered by the attention of women, well... they're not really her type. Even if women are nicer to look at. And, aside from Jesse and maybe Brennan (who is growing on her), she's always been better at forging emotional connections with women than men. And had maybe taken to teaching Emma Tai Chi as an excuse to touch her more often, though Emma's form was improving exponentially...

But she wasn't... well. Shalimar wasn't attracted to women or anything like that. 

Sighing in frustration, Shalimar turned on her ear piece to allow for two way communication with whoever was running the comms. Probably Adam. He fretted over them like a momma duck with over adventurous ducklings every time one of them left the base. 

"It's been over an hour," she said conversationally, checking her decorative silver watch and wincing. It was nearing an hour and a half to be more precise. "If I said yes to half the people who'd offered to buy me a drink, you'd be pouring me out of this meat rack."

"All in the line of duty, Shalimar," Adam said, voice teasing in response. "Senses okay?"

"Yeah. It's a little loud for my tastes and the bartender loves me for pointing out two guys who tried to spike a drink when I heard them discussing targets; pretty sure he'd been looking for an excuse to sic the bouncers on them. But, well," she sighed. "Why did you schedule the meetup here?"

"With Donna being so reluctant to even talk to us the last few weeks, I wanted her to choose the rendezvous spot. And I was hoping maybe talking to a fellow feral mutant might ease her concerns about our underground network." Adam sounded apologetic. "She did seem more comfortable around you during the our initial contact with her."

The feral mutant connection. It either went two ways on first meeting: instantly connected in some way... or instantly territorial. When Shalimar had met Donna, she'd felt a sense of protectiveness for the other woman. She was so new to her abilities and had clearly felt overwhelmed, though if she was frequenting places like this now then she must have been adjusting better than Shalimar had thought she would. (She'd been so relieved not to feel all territorial with Donna - there was nothing more irritating than meeting a perfect stranger and having all her hackles go up for seemingly no reason.)

"There she is," Shalimar sighed, feeling a prickling on the back of her neck that made her look to the club's entrance. There stood Donna, wild grin on her face as she zeroed in on some guy at the bar. "I'll make sure she's ready to head out and then we'll be on our way back to base."

While Donna wasn't in immediate danger, there was increased GSA chatter about feral mutants the last few weeks and, the last time Adam had spoken to Donna, she had agreed that living in the same city as Genomex's headquarters was too much of a risk. They were relocating her out of state with a job and apartment lined up by the underground. Hopefully this wasn't a sign that she'd gotten cold feet.

Getting up, Shalimar intercepted Donna on her way to the bar. "Hey, you made it. I thought you said nine, though."

"Uh, yeah. I did. Sorry I'm late." Donna looked around Shalimar distractedly, smiling coyly at the guy at the bar. 

Shalimar groaned internally. Dragging Donna away from a guy her instincts were demanding she go fuck was going to be a pain in the ass. Still, she plastered on a polite smile and asked, "had a harder time packing your go bag than expected?"

"Oh. Well..." Donna looked sheepish now. "About that. I'm not going. I changed my mind."

For goodness sake... "The GSA picked up two newly active feral mutants in the last three weeks, Donna. They're getting better at identifying the signs of our genotype. I thought you'd already agreed with Adam that it was better to be safe than sorry."

"Well, yeah, but... they only want new mutants, right?"

"Which you clearly are," Shalimar told her. With a feral's instincts there was no way Donna could have slipped back into denial over what she was... right?

Donna just shrugged. "I gotta go. My date's waiting."

"Uh, no. The only date you've got," Shalimar insisted, grabbing Donna's shoulder, "is with me and the underground."

"Adam said the underground thing was voluntary," Donna retorted, shrugging off Shalimar's hand. "So unless that's changed, you can tell him thanks, but no thanks."

Donna swanned off and, before Shalimar could take more than a few steps to follow after, some guy leered at Shalimar and leaned into her space. "Well hey there, sugar. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

It felt like it took all of Shalimar's self control not to scratch the guy's eyes off. "Won't matter how much you walk by, it won't make you any less unappealing." She moved to step around him, but he hurried to block her path.

"Don't be like that. I promise I'm not just some drunk. The only thing intoxicating me is you."

"You should learn to take no for an answer," Shalimar shot back, reaching to grab his chin and physically maneuver him out of her way. His eyes widened in fear and she felt her own eyes flash for a moment even as she finally got around him.

Unfortunately, Donna and the guy she'd been making eyes at - her date, presumably - were already gone. A quick check with the bartender told her that Donna and her beau had paid they guy's tab and immediately headed for the exit after a steamy kiss hello. Shalimar paid her own tab off - she'd stuck to water and soda after her first, and only, alcoholic beverage of the evening - and then headed for the door herself. Once outside, though, there was still no sign of Donna. So she went over the bouncer at the door.

"I think my friend just ditched me. Did you see a tall brunette pass by here just a few minutes ago?" She gave him a hopeful look, knowing he was probably more interested in the patrons headed into the club than the ones leaving. Especially the ones leaving voluntarily and clearly not drunk.

But he nodded and said, "yeah, she left with a guy driving a black Beamer. You need to head back in and call a ride?"

"No, I was supposed to be her ride. So nice of her to ditch me without a word." Shalimar smiled wanly at the bouncer. "Thanks, though." Then she headed for where she'd hidden the Helix, telling Adam in an undertone, "so we've got a problem with Donna..."

* * *

Shalimar had just finished changing into her pajamas when there came a knock at her bedroom door. Grabbing her dress from earlier off the bed, and a hanger, she opened the door and smiled to find Emma there.

"Come on in," she told the empath. "My frustration over Donna wasn't bugging you, was it?"

"Not at all," Emma replied, a warm smile on her face that made Shalimar's lingering bad mood disappear entirely.

There was just something about Emma that made it impossible for Shalimar to stay grumpy around her. It was like Emma was this... warm light that made Shalimar want nothing more than to bask in her presence. She'd tried to describe her reaction to Jesse right after Emma joined the team - curious to see if Jesse felt the same way... if it was some side effect of Emma's powers, maybe. He'd given her an amused look, though, and shook his head. He'd describe her as feeling warm and bubbly, certainly, but there was no urge to 'bask in her warmth'. And the way he'd echoed her words back at her had made Shalimar blush in uncharacteristic embarrassment. She hadn't even bothered to ask Adam about it afterwards.

"It's too bad our guest room is going to remain empty tonight, though. Did she say why she changed her mind?" Emma asked, wandering in to settle on the end of Shalimar's bed while Shalimar moved to the closet in order to put her dress away.

"Unfortunately no. I think it's probably cold feet. I can't really blame her for not wanting to give up her life here to start over somewhere else, but if it turns out Genomex is on to her..." It'd be bad news, not just for Donna but for their team. "I'm going to visit her at her apartment tomorrow morning, see if I can talk her around without her running off for a booty call."

Emma snorted in amusement. "Maybe I could come along? Even if she doesn't want to say why, I could get an impression of what's going on in her head. See if she's feeling over confident about her ability to hide her mutant status or if she's just afraid to start over some place new."

"She said something about Genomex only wanting new mutants, like that wasn't going to apply to her," Shalimar admitted, joining Emma on the bed. "I'm concerned she's sliding back into denial. I wouldn't think that'd be possible with how strong the instincts that come with being a feral mutant are, but..."

"Well, being an empath is hard to ignore, but I sure did try to play pretend at being normal for a long time," Emma filled in. "I could suss that out too, if it's what is holding Donna back."

Shalimar nodded. "And I'd certainly appreciate the back up. Thanks, Emma. We'll have to let Adam know you're coming too before we head out."

"Well, I really came in here to see if you wanted to watch a movie with me. I picked up a copy of _Autumn in New York_ the last time we were out and I know the guy's will never watch it with me." Emma held up a DVD case hopefully.

"I'm game." Shalimar grabbed the case and hopped up, then gestured to the bed, "go ahead and get comfy. We can just watch it in here." A few button presses on the wall later had the tv and DVD player un-hidden - Adam certainly wanted them to have all the comforts he could give them to make up for the difficult jobs he tasked them with - and Shalimar was able to put the disc into drive and join Emma curled up against the pillows.

As the movie started, Emma snuggled up against Shalimar's side and warmth bloomed through her all over again. Hesitantly she wrapped an arm around Emma's shoulders and pulled her just that little bit closer. And if she wished she could have Emma with her like this every night, well...

No one but Shalimar needed to know.

* * *

Shalimar wakes up in stages. 

At first all she can register are sleep fuzzed impressions like 'warm' and 'soft'. But as her brain inches slowly towards wakefulness, she processes other things. Like that there's another person sleeping in her arms, breathing softly against her neck. A person who smells like safety and home and hers. All hers.

There was a possessive heat curling inside Shalimar as her eyes flickered open to take in the sight of Emma, curled against her chest. They'd fallen asleep together, watching the movie. And, brain still sleep fuzzy, Shalimar's instincts were practically purring in response to Emma's closeness. A dangerous edge Shalimar hadn't dared approach when fully awake.

A precipice that if she teetered off of then it'd mean questioning everything about herself that Shalimar thought she knew was true. Again. And usually that scared her.

But in this moment, all Shalimar wanted was to pull Emma closer. To watch her face as she woke up. To...

To know what Emma's kisses were like, when she was warm and pliant from a good night's sleep.

To know what any of Emma's kisses were like.

And then Shalimar's thoughts catch up to her and she jolts awake, as though she's fallen. (And maybe she has.)

Emma grumbles in her sleep and buries her face into Shalimar's pillows, Shalimar herself huddled in a corner across the room. Face buried in her hands.

This can't be happening. She's not attracted to Emma and she most certainly doesn't want to kiss her.

Shalimar flees her own bedroom before she can think better of it.

* * *

She tries not to feel guilty about standing outside of Donna's apartment building, alone. Shalimar has no idea what she's going to tell Emma.

 _I'm sorry. I forgot..._ the words just don't seem adequate. And Emma will be able to tell what Shalimar's feeling... maybe sensing how mired in guilt and shame Shalimar feels will nudge Emma towards forgiving her. Shalimar's got no idea. 

Shalimar had slunk back into her bedroom only after Emma had risen and left for her own room. And then Shalimar had hurried to the Helix to head into the city on her own, signaling Adam that she was on her way out. Alone.

Ringing the doorbell again, Shalimar sighed and gave up. Emma would have known if Donna was in the building. Probably. But Shalimar can't tell. Donna's apartment is too far away for Shalimar's senses to detect the presence of a fellow feral. "Adam," she says, "Donna's not here. Or she's not responding to the doorbell, anyway."

"Can you get into her apartment and see if she came back last night?" Adam asked.

"Her apartment's on the second floor with a balcony. Piece of cake," Shalimar told him, already heading around to the back of the building where Donna's apartment ought to be located. She'd looked up a map of the building, just in case they had to evac Donna in an emergency. And the lucky balcony ought to be...

"I'll have the others try to track down her date from last night. Just to be sure she's not still with him," Adam told her.

"Cool." Shalimar crouched and the leaped, feeling for a moment the pure exhilaration of just... flying through the air.

There were few things better than utilizing her abilities to their fullest. Adam had set up a parkour course for Shalimar, but it didn't quite live up to the thrill of running and jumping and twisting through the air in the real life urban jungle of a city. Shalimar latches onto the balcony railing and flips herself over it, landing on her feet maybe six inches away from the apartment door. She has to resist the urge to turn, pinpoint a new destination, and jump again. To keep going until she's breathless and halfway across the city... to keep going until she can't think of anything but the next building to climb, the next ledge to vault.

Until the quiet desires she'd felt that morning are entirely forgotten.

She does not keep going.

Shalimar tests the door knob and when it proves to be locked, she pulls a lock pick set out of her boot and gets to work. It's a cheap lock, so it's not long before her enhanced hearing picks up the soft snick of the tumblers unlocking. And then she's inside the apartment, which is very much not empty.

There's someone inside. Someone who isn't Donna. Feral, but not Donna.

She doesn't dare say anything to Adam. Even a single word would give away her position to the other feral mutant. She creeps down the hallway, frowning as her thoughts raced.

This couldn't be the man from the bar. Shalimar would have noticed the night before if he were a new mutant like them. The GSA maybe? They had plenty of 'tame' new mutants on the payroll, controlled through sub-dermal governors and a careful regimen of brainwashing. 

There's a whisper in the air that makes Shalimar's instincts practically scream _look out!_ and she's twirling around before she's even aware she's moving. Shalimar lands in a crouch, her eyes flashing as she inhales hard and grins. Her attacker is handsome, she'll give him that much. But he's not the fighter she is.

Shalimar laughs as she dodges his blows and when she leaps, they meet mid-air before she crashes down to the floor on top of him, pinning the man to the floor. He shoved her off and rolled away, his own eyes flashing at her in playful frustration.

She wants to pin him again. Wants to straddle his thighs and... there's an electric passion there between them. They can both feel it. A by product of them being two attractive ferals, no doubt, instinct screaming at them to forget everything else they're here for and just screw.

(And a bruising kiss from a male stranger was safer in so many ways than any gentle kiss that Emma could give her... She knows what she'd be getting into here and for all that it's dangerous - he's dangerous - this is still less terrifying than the ledge she'd metaphorically dangled off that morning, the one that sent her running away from her own room in fear...)

The fight takes on a heated, sexual edge. He pulls off her jacket and gives her a lascivious once over; she stomps her foot mockingly between his legs just to see that wide-eyed look every man gets when their manhood is threatened. He tried rolling away again, but Shalimar kicked him in the face - hard enough to bruise any normal human, but a feral would heal soon enough - and pinned him again, wild grin on her face.

"I'm not used to losing," the man said, going slack under her hold, "but I could get used to it with you."

"What are you doing in Donna's apartment?" Shalimar demanded, trying to ignore the way he shifted teasingly beneath her.

"I could ask the same of you," he replied, arching an eyebrow.

A loud knock at the door startled them, dragging them back to reality and out of the bubble that had seemingly formed from the narrowed focus of their fight. They both looked over at the door sharply, as if afraid someone was about to come in and catch them in a... compromising position.

"What's going on in there?! I've been getting complaints from the other tenants!" It was the building's super, presumably. "Open up, or I'll the police!"

Shalimar dismissed the woman and returned her attention back to the man beneath her.

"You got a name?" he asked her, meeting her eyes and licking his lips.

"Shalimar. You?"

"Richard." He tilted his head and let his hands come to rest on her shins. "So you're... a friend of Donna's?" he guessed.

"More or less. How do you know her?" 

"We've got a standing appointment," Richard answered.

Shalimar looked over at his left hand, trying not to feel to disappointed. No ring on his finger and no tan line either, but that didn't mean... "so you're a married 'friend' of hers, huh?"

"No!" The vehemence of his denial snapped Shalimar's attention back to Richard's face. He blushed and shook his head, hard. "No, I'm not married. And it's not like that with me and Donna either. We're not... we are not involved. It wouldn't be... professional. I've been treating her."

"Treating her... for what?" Shalimar asked, earning a bright, beaming smile for having followed his meaning.

"Doctor-patient confidentiality. Sorry. She didn't show up this morning, so I came to check on her. And, since she gave me this," Richard pulled a key out of his pocket and held it up, "I didn't have to break in through the balcony like some people."

Shalimar rolled her eyes at him.

"Any idea where she is?" Richard asked, letting the teasing note drop from his voice.

Shalimar shook her head. "I don't know. Her stuff is still here and I guess she really didn't ever bother to pack after all. She was supposed to go with me last night, but she ditched me for a guy at a bar."

Richard sighed. "I knew she was planning on leaving town, but she wouldn't have left without the final treatment."

In the distance, there's a siren and Shalimar grimaced. "I can hear the police. We'd better scramble - I guess the super called the cops after all."

"My car's out front," Richard said, tone turning the observation into an offer.

Shalimar smiled regretfully. It might've been fun, to see what the good doctor had on offer. "My bike's out back. Come on, if we both head out the balcony we can miss the super and the cops." She rocks back on her heels and stands up, maybe putting on a bit of a show as she did.

Richard certainly appreciated the view. And Shalimar enjoyed the thrill it gave her to be wanted.

But their chance meeting couldn't exactly evolve into anything else at the moment. The sirens were getting louder. When their feet hit the pavement beneath Donna's balcony, he turned one way and she went another.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma's morning does not start well.

She wakes up alone in Shalimar's room, which isn't a bad place to start the day but she'd have preferred it if Shalimar had still been in there with her. Emma's only been fantasizing about waking up in Shalimar's embrace for the last several weeks, so accidentally passing out in Shalimar's bed only to miss out on the chance to have that fantasy fulfilled?

Emma is mentally kicking herself all the way back into her own bedroom. But a shower and change of clothes later finds Emma back out of her room and on the search for Shalimar so that they can, in turn, go looking for Donna.

Except when Emma drops in on Adam to see if he knows where Shalimar went, it turns out Shalimar had already left to find Donna all on her own. Despite agreeing to take Emma with her last night.

"She must have forgotten we'd agreed I'd go with her," Emma said, feeling a sinking sensation in her stomach.

Adam gave her a sympathetic look. "Well, Donna wasn't at her apartment anyway. How about you go round up the guys and head over to the bar from last night. I'll send the coordinates once you're in flight. Maybe if you three can find Donna's date from last night, Donna will still be with him."

"Here's hoping," Emma chirped with a brightness she did not feel. 

The guys are sparring when Emma finds them a few minutes later. Well, less sparring and more play fighting really. And Jesse is in a flirty mood which is... interesting. Because the flirtiness isn't directed at Emma, it just makes her a little giddy - which is annoying when it mixes with the uncertain feeling that she may have made things uncomfortable with Shalimar somehow. Sometimes when flirtiness is directed at her, it makes Emma all flirty back. Even if she's not genuinely interested in the other person. 

She'd nearly had sex a few times because someone else's want for her was so overwhelming that she struggled to untangle their emotions from her own. It was difficult for her to set boundaries in her own head, to keep other people's feelings from leaking in and becoming her feelings. She was getting better at it, though, now that she wasn't pretending to be a normal, baseline human.

The genetic closet wasn't the only one she'd come out of in the last few years, however, though she hadn't really discussed her queerness with her new friends yet. But given the attraction she could sense Jesse felt towards Brennan, it seemed that Emma wasn't the only one who'd be celebrating pride month come June.

"Hey boys, you two ready to go on a field trip?" she called teasingly.

Brennan dropped the electricity in his hands and Jesse went fully tangible. "Where we headed?" they chorused, exchanging amused glances.

"That bar Shalimar met Donna at last night," Emma told them. "Donna wasn't at her apartment when Shal got there. So while she's looking for leads at the apartment, we're headed to check out Donna's last known location."

"Give us a minute to get changed and we'll meet you in the hanger," Brennan promised.

"Maybe take a few minutes so you can shower too," she teased, laughing when Jesse gave her a mock-affronted look.

* * *

Once at the club, the guys stayed outside to chat with the bouncer while Emma went inside to talk to enquire about the bartender. It was too early for the club to actually be open yet, but for a pretty smile with an empath's brain behind it... doors opened anyway. 

The bartender from the night before was already there - the club was a bar from 1 to 6 and then 'transformed' into a dance club afterwards. He'd been subbing for a friend the night before, so luck was on Emma's side that his usual hours were earlier. Emma gets an impression of the guy they're looking for from the bartender. Not exactly a face, but she'd recognize the guy if they found him now.

The bouncer, however, wasn't the once from the night before which meant the guys had gotten nowhere by the time Emma came back out. They're leaning awfully close together and it makes Emma wonder... Brennan's emotions can be harder to read than Jesse's, for all that Emma had connected to Brennan near instantly when they first met. Brennan's used to playing his cards close to his chest; it makes his mind more guarded. But there's affection written his eyes as he gazes at Jesse that he can't quite hide.

She hopes that, if there really is something between them, they'll have more luck than she's having. Crushing on a straight woman. Emma's heart ought to know better than that by now.

"He gave us the address of the guy who was here last night," Jesse said, putting a little distance between himself and Brennan as Emma walked up. "It's not far from here."

"Lead the way," Emma replied, cheerfully following along as they headed off. It's a lovely day and... and she wishes she was walking along with Shalimar. 

In the bright sunlight, Shalimar's hair seemed to turn to molten gold and her eyes always glittered with joy and laughter. And the way she walked, with a gliding grace and self-confidence that Emma had never seen before... it was always an experience to walk behind her and watch the sway of her hips.

Emma sighed forlornly, earning a look of concern from the guys. 

"Something wrong," Brennan asked.

"Not really. Just... you ever get a hopeless crush on someone you know doesn't like you the same way?" Emma shrugged and added, "that's me right now."

"Not one of us?" Jesse asked, sounding somewhere between alarmed and concerned.

"No, no, don't worry. You two flirting with each other isn't breaking my heart," she teased, just to see them blush and splutter. She forged on before they could say anything. "I have much more luck than that when I crush on guys. But when it's a woman, I always wind up pining over someone unavailable for one reason or another."

"Shalimar," Brennan filled in. "Tough luck, Emma. Good taste, though."

"Fellow bi!" Jesse said with a grin, slinging his arm around Emma's shoulder. "I must help cheer you up."

Emma giggled and leaned against him as they kept walking down the street.

"You're bi?" Brennan grinned and batted his eyes mock flirtatiously. "Well so am I. I guess we queer folk really do flock together. What about Shalimar and Adam?" He slung his own arm around Emma's shoulder's too, teasingly caressing Jesse's arm as he did so.

Ugh, boys. Flirting while she was literally standing right there in between them. Too bad she wasn't hung up on them instead; maybe she could have angled for her first polyamorous relationship. Instead she was trying not to let her brain segue from thoughts about the arms around her shoulders to Shalimar's arms and the gorgeous look of her muscled biceps when her arms flexed...

"Adam's queer. But last I asked, he didn't really have a specific label," Jesse told them, blushing. "Shalimar, however, is our token straight ally."

"Good to know." Brennan gestured to an apartment building ahead of them. "And we've arrived. Just in time," he said, breaking away to go buzz the intercom.

A few minutes later and the bouncer they were looking for had come down to join. He didn't remember much about the car in question, telling them the same thing he'd told Shalimar the night before. The car was a black Beamer. A little prodding from Emma's empathic abilities had them both seeing flickers of images from the car in question as it drove away with Donna in the passenger seat. He'd seen the license plate at the time, but hadn't really registered as important in the dark of the night. Donna had been leaving willingly and, quite clearly, sober. 

But the point was that he saw it.

Sounding a little dazed, the man said, "QRS-592," while Emma mouthed along with him. He shook his head, coming back to himself. "The license plate number was QRS-592. That help any?"

"Immensely," Emma promised him, grinning. "Thank you so much."

"No problem. Good luck finding your friend," he replied, heading back inside the apartment complex.

"Now to see what Adam can find for us," Jesse said, touching his ring to activate his comm-link. "Good work, Emma."

* * *

Adam sends them to Hartwell Brokerage where the car's owner apparently worked. And, judging by the parking ticket under the windshield wiper, where the guy was racking up parking tickets with his carelessness. Once they confirmed the car was there, they headed inside and Brennan charmed the woman at the lobby desk into calling down Jack Hartwell himself.

Jesse flickered with well concealed jealousy. If Emma weren't an empath, she'd have never even guessed.

Hartwell's kind of a dick when he arrives. He looks over Emma with appraisal and lust that makes her prickle with disgust, his eyes landing on her breasts instead of her face. Brennan shifted in front of her, small bits of electricity snapping along his fingers for a moment. 

"So, what can I do for you three?" Jack smiled, a shark's smile. It must have been what Donna liked about him, because everything else about him is rather repugnant from what Emma can tell.

"We're here about Donna Morse," Jesse told him.

"Yeah? What about her?" When Brennan and Jesse just glared at him, Jack quailed a little bit. Panicking a little he said, "I didn't do anything to her. That bitch attacked me. We were going to be headed back to my place and she just freaked out. So if she's accusing me of..."

"We're not accusing you of anything. But she never came home last night, so if we were going to accuse you of something..." Brennan trailed off a touch menacingly, eyes narrowed.

"He's telling the truth," Emma interrupted before all the male posturing and testosterone got too overwhelming. "He's not hiding anything either." She can feel his worried honesty. He's concerned for Donna despite how much she'd freaked him out the night before. Though he's still mostly disappointed that he didn't get laid.

"Thanks for nothing," Jesse told the guy and they headed outside to regroup.

"Looks like our leads just ran dry. We'll have to keep checking in on her apartment until she shows up again," Emma observed once they were back out in the sunlight.

"Let's head back to base for now," Brennan grumbled, tossing a little electrical charge at Jack's Beamer as they passed it and smirking as it set the alarm blaring behind them.


	3. Chapter 3

Shalimar smiled dreamily at the hologram as it floated in the middle of the room. It was depicting the image of a handsome man's face. Almost, but not quite, a match for Richard. "The eyebrows weren't quite that heavy. And he had the sexiest dimples." She laughed when Adam rolled his eyes and adjusted the hologram accordingly.

"Better?" he asked dryly.

"Much," she told him, eyeing the display and licking her lips. She'd liked the way he'd made her stop thinking about... inconvenient thoughts.

"Alright, I'll cross reference the face and the name Richard with all the pertinent databanks to see what we can find." Adam frowned at Shalimar thoughtfully. "He really got to you, didn't he?"

"I've never felt an attraction this intense before," she told him. "The moment we saw each other it was... it was love at first sight." Or lust at first sight, but love sounded prettier. And Shalimar liked pretty things.

Or pretty people.

"Not really a thing," Adam insisted. "It's a form of limerence. Essentially a shift in brain chemistry and, in your case, accelerated and intensified by your shared mutancy."

"My brain was definitely not doing the talking on this one, Adam. My heart, maybe. But definitely not my brain." Shalimar waggled her eyebrows when he gave her an exasperated look.

"Of course it was your brain. You were in a highly charged situation," he was going into lecture mode, much to Shalimar's dismay. "The dopamine and phenylethylamine released in your brain created a euphoria while the norepinephrine triggered an adrenaline release. That in turn causes physical effects, such as flushed cheeks, heavy breathing, sweaty palms, and a sudden shift in the limbic system, reducing integration with your cortex and resulting in the bright flush of infatuation."

"How can you reduce something so wonderful down to mere science?" Shalimar grumbled. "Haven't you ever been in love?"

"Can't say I have. I've loved people, certainly. But never romantically." Adam shrugged when Shalimar gave him a startled, wide-eyed look. "It's why I've always identified as queer. Never felt romantically inclined towards anyone, ever. I used to think that romance in fiction was just a cheap, over used trope to stretch out the book's plot line because surely romance wasn't anything like that. Turned out the books were accurate and I was just weird."

"You're not weird," Shalimar protested, then paused thoughtfully. "Well, you are weird. But for so many other reasons."

Adam laughed and shook his head, smiling at her. "Thanks ever so much. At any rate, it turns out there are others like me. And there's even a word for us. I'd have like to have known about what aromanticism was when I was a teen, but... finding the term aromantic recently has been something of a relief."

Shalimar hummed softly, thoughtfully. "A little like being a New Mutant in some ways, I'll bet. Always knowing there's something different about yourself, but never knowing the words to describe it. Being afraid being different means being a freak... but none of us are freaks. Not me, the overly romantic feral, or you, the aromantic geneticist."

"I suppose it does help me to be more understanding of the difficulties and fears New Mutants face when it comes to... coming out as a mutant," Adam mused. "Though the guilt over how long I went unaware of what Eckhart was doing with Genomex, right under my nose, contributes a lot too."

Shalimar sighed quietly, though she didn't respond. Adam had to learn to forgive himself all on his own. She'd learned a while ago that nothing she said could help him in this, much as she wished she could ease the suffering he inflicted on himself.

The console beeped, telling them they already had a match on the data search. Adam went back over to the readout, Shalimar beside him to see the results as well.

"That was fast," Adam muttered, sounding concerned. "It hit on a Genomex entry. Looks like he's a research associate there."

"Richard Saunders, PhD," Shalimar read, a bit concerned herself. "Not MD? But he cited doctor-patient confidentiality." She groaned and turned away. "Just my luck he's Genomex. Ugh."

"It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Genomex's true purpose as the cover for the GSA is well hidden to those outside the upper echelons of the company," Adam reminded her. "Your guy very likely has no idea what he's really working for."

"Then I should let him know," Shalimar decided. "Jesse can turn out a Genomex id card for me, right?"

"You're going to Genomex?" Emma's voice sounded out behind Shalimar and she felt like she had led weights in her stomach all of a sudden.

Oh, no...

"Not alone, she isn't. You should go with her, Emma," Adam decided. "Dr. Saunders works at one of the satellite offices, not the main compound. No one should recognize either of you there, and if they do then you'll be able to sense the danger and get out."

"Sounds great," Emma agreed. "Who is this Dr. Saunders, though, and why are we warning him about the GSA's involvement in Genomex?"

"I'll let Shalimar tell you," Adam told her, an amused smile on his face. "I'll go talk to Jesse about those id cards." He headed out of the room, unknowingly leaving Shalimar in an awkward position.

"So, I guess you forgot to bring me along this morning," Emma observed quietly. Disappointed.

"I'm sorry." Shalimar didn't correct her. Didn't want to be caught out lying by agreeing either.

For a few quiet moments that morning, things had seemed so simple. Watching Emma's sleeping face, Shalimar had wanted... she'd wanted something complicated.

But wanting Richard was simple in truth. He was a man and Shalimar was a woman. And the relationship she could have with him might be fraught with danger because they were mutants and the GSA was persecuting them, but it wasn't...

It was what she wanted, wasn't it?

"He was at Donna's apartment," Shalimar told Emma, changing the subject. "He's a feral mutant, like me." She didn't mention the instant attraction. The giddiness she'd felt over it earlier had burnt out of her all at once and she was left with nothing but ashes it seemed. "He said he was treating her with something. We need to know what that treatment is, since it might relate to Donna's disappearance. And we also need to warn him about Genomex and give him the option of getting out before he gets caught up in their New Mutant search."

"Let's go then. Just us girls. It'll be more fun than feeling like a third wheel with Jesse and Brennan," Emma declared. 

"Third wheel?" Shalimar asked, startled. Jesse was bi - he'd come out to her ages ago - but was Brennan... did he like guys too?

"They were totally making eyes at each other the whole time," Emma sighed. "If two people can be dating without admitting that's what they're doing then those two are definitely a couple in denial."

Shalimar nodded, uncertainly, thinking of their little movie night and cuddle fest. If two people could be dating and in denial... 

But she and Emma weren't... 

Confusion swirled through Shalimar's head and she only hoped that Emma couldn't sense it. Given the concerned look on her face, though, it seemed likely that Emma did sense Shalimar's feelings after all.

* * *

The Genomex facility Richard works at is a lot friendlier than the main facility. No central arena filled with the naked, shaved bodies of cryogenically frozen New Mutants. No Eckhart reigning over the view like some demented king overlooking his domain. But the same old crawl up Shalimar's spine that tells her if she's caught here - if she stops moving for too long - she'll be the next one to be shoved in a cryotube or chipped like an animal with a subdermal governor. 

And it's worse having Emma there with her. The idea of Emma being put through the GSA's 're-education' or trapped like a sleeping beauty beneath the glass of one of those cryotubes... it makes Shalimar feel sick at the very thought.

The main floor here is divided into glass labs that reminds Shalimar of living in a fishbowl surrounded by other fishbowls. It's all sterile and impersonal and makes her wonder how anyone could work in there. Just wandering down the glass lined hallway with Emma makes Shalimar feel like everyone is staring at her.

But then she sees him. Doctor Richard Saunders... and Shalimar's attention completely zeroes in on him. 

The badges Jesse whipped up get them through the door. And then Richard looks up, sees Shalimar, and lights up with a smile. "Shalimar. What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"I've been wondering what kind of treatments a genetics researcher would be giving Donna," she replied. "Richard, this is Emma."

"Hello, Emma," Richard greeted politely, attention sliding near instantly back to Shalimar once he did. "Donna wants a normal life. I've been helping her to find it. I've... I've developed a serum to help suppress certain genetic mutations." He pulled out a small case and opened it, showing Shalimar and Emma a small collection of vials within. "The initial treatment lasts between six to eight weeks with follow up treatments every month afterwards. So long as the treatments are maintained, the serum suppresses the genes responsible for feral mutancy."

Shalimar feels herself go cold. He's talking about... about stripping out a vital part of who Donna is. Who he is and who Shalimar is...

"They're coming," Emma hissed quietly, "but not for us. I think... I think the GSA knows you're a New Mutant, Dr. Saunders."

"The what?" Richard asked in confusion, right as the far door opened.

A woman in a suit walked in smoothly. An electric hum emanating from the back of her neck. A subdermal governor. 

"Excuse me, Dr. Saunders. You need to come with me. There are some... questions about misappropriation of funds and company resources."

Richard paled. Apparently his cure was being made off the books. No wonder he'd been able to get so far on it unnoticed by the GSA.

"Do you trust me?" Shalimar asked.

Richard nodded.

"Then it's time to run. Emma?"

She nodded at Shalimar then focused on the GSA agent while Shalimar shooed Richard out the door they'd come in through. While Emma might be new to fighting with her powers, she was a quick study. She hit the agent with some intense, focused emotion and then kicked her hard in the chest while the woman was distracted. When the agent went down, Emma turned and followed after Shalimar and Richard.

Two more agents tried to stop them in the glass hallway while other scientists watched in fear from the safety of their labs. But Shalimar took those two out personally, clearing the way for Richard and Emma to go on ahead of her. They burst out into the bright light of day within minutes, running for Richard's car... only for him to remember that his eyes were still on his desk in the lab.

All he'd taken with him were the vials of the cure. Even his wallet had been left behind.

"This way," Emma called, turning towards the road. Within moments she'd flagged down a car at random. "Thank you so much for stopping," she told the man driving. "My friends and I need a ride. Will you help us?"

"Of course," he said, smiling widely at Emma. It made jealousy crawl up Shalimar's spine to see Emma smile back flirtatiously. "Get in, ladies, gentleman."

Emma got in the front seat and there was no time to argue. Shalimar and Richard hopped into the back and the car peeled away from the curb.

* * *

They couldn't go directly back to the Helix yet, so they went back to Donna's apartment. Their rescue driver dropped them off and then returned to his regularly scheduled day.

"He won't remember our faces," Emma said, sounding rueful. "I hate doing that, scrambling someone's memories. Haven't needed to do that since..." she trailed off, sounding sad. 

Shalimar took her hand and squeezed. "Thanks, Emma. I don't know what I'd have done without you." Then she looked over at Richard. "We should head up and out of sight."

Richard nodded and, with a single jump, he was up on the balcony. Scooping Emma up in her arms and grinning at Emma's delighted laugh, Shalimar made the jump herself. One picked lock later and the three of them were safely back inside.

"We'll have to be quiet so that eagle eared super doesn't call the cops on us again," Richard joked, settling onto Donna's couch. "Thank you, both of you, for rescuing me. I knew I'd be in trouble once they realized I was utilizing company resources for a personal project. But I thought if I could show results then it'd earn me more of a slap on the wrist than a trip to jail. Better to ask forgiveness than permission, if you will..." he trailed off, frowning at the looks on Shalimar and Emma's faces. "What? I'm missing, aren't I?"

"Genomex... it's not just a genetics research corporation," Emma told him gently. "It's a cover for something called the GSA. The Genetic Security Agency," she elaborated. "Their mission is to capture New Mutants for use as either unwilling lab rats or... forced conscription into the GSA itself. Neither path is voluntary."

Richard's face crumpled. "If I'd known..."

"Most people don't. We're part of an organization that's been fighting back against the GSA, helping New Mutants relocate outside of the GSA's influence," Shalimar told him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "That's why we've been looking for Donna. She was supposed to be going into hiding, but changed her mind. She must have thought that using your treatment would take her off the GSA's radar."

"There's no reason it shouldn't. When the serum is working, it masks all markers of the mutancy." Richard placed the small case on the coffee table. "It acts by suppressing the production of various enzymes that are responsible for our increased strength and altered instincts. Donna and I have been taking the serum for the last three weeks and there's already been a significant drop in both our levels. The genes themselves are going dormant, leading to lowered enzyme production."

"You're taking it too?" Shalimar felt appalled. It was like he was... voluntarily mutilating himself. "But... why? It was jarring at first when my abilities started presenting themselves, but once I got used to what the changes meant for me... I can't imagine not being a New Mutant."

"I'm glad you feel that way. I wish I did. But nothing about being a New Mutant has ever really felt right to me. I chose my career because I wanted to find a way to... cure myself." He looked away. "I thought Donna felt the same way, but unless the GSA got to her then she has to know that missing even one injection will set back her entire treatment."

"It's not an illness. It's a... a state of being. You don't cure someone of having red hair or blue eyes," Shalimar objected.

"But people do dye their hair or use colored contacts to change their eye color," Richard replied.

"Except no one calls those 'cures'," Emma interjected. "Science has a history of unnecessarily pathologizing parts of the human experience. Telling us we're unnatural and sick for not meeting someone else's concept of normal. I can understand how you feel. My own abilities have frightened me in the past and will probably do so again in the future. And for those who don't want the powers associated with being a New Mutant, your serum is a blessing. But your terminology is harmful and if you truly intend to help your fellow New Mutants then you should consider the words you use to describe your work very carefully."

"I'll... take that into account." Richard closed the case with an uncomfortable air.

"Excuse me," Emma said, heading towards Donna's bedroom.

"So I guess you're not interested in the serum for yourself," Richard asked Shalimar once the door shut behind Emma.

"Not really. Being a New Mutant makes me special." There was a... vibrancy that being a feral mutant brought to Shalimar's life. She couldn't imagine voluntarily giving that up.

But then Richard asked, "don't you ever get tired of feeling special? Of the way people look at us when they realize that we're different? Don't you ever... wish your life was normal?"

Shalimar's thoughts twist towards her feelings for Emma. Her... her attraction to Emma. She feels so awful, saying she supports someone else in finding pride in their identity as a gay or lesbian or bisexual or aromantic person... but then when it's her who might be feeling some kind of queer attraction...

All she wants to do is erase it from herself. To be normal. But Shalimar is a New Mutant. She's never going to be normal...

"Sometimes," she admits softly, even though it hurts so much.

When Richard leans in to kiss her, Shalimar lets him.


	4. Chapter 4

Emma stared out the bedroom window, careful to keep hidden behind the drapes. She could sense what was going on in the other room and she ached with jealousy over it. Shalimar was out there, kissing Richard...

But thankfully that was all they were doing.

Turning on her comms, she updated Adam on the situation.

"I'm going to send the guys out in the other Helix," Adam promised her. "Jesse'll pick up the Helix you took with Shalimar while Brennan swings around to retrieve the rest of you. Do you think Dr. Saunders will be willing to come back to base with you? It sounds like he's going to need a fresh start."

Given the way he was currently lip-locked with Shalimar? "He'll come along," Emma assured him dryly. "I think Shalimar has blinded him with her feral charms."

Adam snickered in amusement, which brought a reluctant smile to Emma's face. "I'm sorry," he said, "it can't be comfortable being an empath around two feral mutants experiencing such an intense... limerence for one another."

Hopefully limerence wasn't just a fancy word for lust. Though it probably was. "I'll live. Just make sure Brennan floors it or I might wind up pissing off Shal by dumping ice water down her back."

* * *

Emma does not end up dumping water on the 'happy' couple. But Richard can't seem to stop touching Shalimar's shoulders and it's starting to really piss Emma off by the time Brennan arrives and they join him back on the ground outside the apartment complex.

The look on Brennan's face when he sees Emma is sympathetic, which just makes Emma that much more irritated even though she knows how much he cares. Or perhaps because she knows how much he cares. 

Shalimar notices Emma's irritation, though, because guilt spikes through her as they settle into the Helix's seats. It's an awkward flight back home all around and Emma lets Brennan drag her off once they land. He takes her to the gym and starts teaching her to throw a better punch. She's not bad, but her form could use improvement. And her current frustration puts her in the perfect mindset to hit the punching bag over and over and over again. Until Brennan stops steadying the bag and chucks a water bottle at Emma's head.

She catches it on instinct instead of getting smacked in the forehead. Brennan just laughs when she glowers at him for it.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"No. I spent most of the day as either a third wheel for you and Jesse or for Shalimar and Mr. Just-Wants-To-Be-Normal." Emma took a long drink of her water. "I know it's not fair of me to judge him so harshly, but... I had a friend, in high school. She was a lesbian and her parents sent her to a religious conversion therapy place. Afterwards her parents sent her to a completely different school. I never did find out what happened to her. And everything he says about that serum of his... that it's a 'cure' like we're sick, like we need to be fixed. Converted."

Brennan wrapped his arms around her, rocking Emma back and forth.

"What if he convinces Shalimar to leave us?" Emma asked, tears starting to run down her face as she buried her face against Brennan's shoulder. "What if he convinces her to give up being a New Mutant? If he takes away everything that makes her shine so brightly with joy? She's so bright, Brennan. She's just so bright and happy and he wants to change everything she is so that she'll be more like him."

"We just have to trust in Shalimar. That she really does love who she is too much to give it all up for some guy with dimples and a tight ass." Brennan stroked Emma's hair and continued to sway. "That she loves all of us too much to leave us behind so easily."

They stood there for several minutes longer, until Emma's tears ran their course. And then, tentatively, Emma pulled away. She was still sniffling a little as she said, "thanks Brennan."

"You're welcome. Though," and there was a teasing lilt to his smile as it slowly appeared on his face, "you should probably go shower now. Worked up quite a sweat there."

"Yeah, yeah," she said, smiling despite herself and sticking her tongue out at him as childishly as possible. "You know... you and Jesse..."

"We're still figuring ourselves out, Emma. But I might be asking him out for dinner later this week. If I don't psych myself out too much. Does he..."

"He'll say yes. I've no doubt." It made her feel a little better to feel some of the stress ease out of him at her reassurance. Even if Emma wasn't going to get her happily ever after, at least Brennan and Jesse had a shot at happiness together.

* * *

Emma opted to have dinner alone in her room that night and, on an impulsive whim, flipped on her TV to the local station that ran Genomex's Proxy Blue program for an hour before the nightly news.

Proxy drones on about freaks with fanciful powers and Emma wonders how many of the stories are true. How many New Mutants will they be able to save and how many will the GSA snap up without them ever even knowing there was anything wrong? And then, as Emma finished the last of her dinner and the program was coming to a close, Proxy Blue said something a little more interesting than her usual bigoted tripe.

"Word is a woman experiencing a psychotic break was able to jump fences twice her height downtown last night. No one was quite sure what happened, but reliable reports say she'd turned savage and was growling like some kind of animal. It must have been some case of rabies and I wouldn't have been surprised to hear she was frothing at the mouth too. But whatever it was ended in some rather painful looking seizures and death," proclaimed the smug CGI face of Proxy Blue. "Keep safe out there. It's a weird world and getting freakier by the minute. Proxy Blue, out."

As the image on the screen faded to black, Emma found herself sitting up ramrod straight. She couldn't know for sure that last report was anything real, but something told her that it was real. That it was Donna.

Some quiet certainty, pulsing in Emma's head telling her that Donna was dead.

**Author's Note:**

> According to [AUREA](https://www.aromanticism.org/en/news-feed/aromantic-history) the earliest use of the term aromantic is from 2005. Mutant X season 1 was in 2001, so it's more likely Adam would have described himself in terms of asexuality or non-limerence if he'd made time for labels at all. But Adam is relatable to me specifically in terms of my aromanticism so... in this alternate universe where Mutant X takes place, we'll say that aromantic was already in use by the time Emma and Brennan joined the Mutant X team, that way Adam can identify as aro.


End file.
